So heavy, my heart.
So heavy, how float?
Oh God stop the hurt.
It hurts.

Why now, why then?
Why him?
Why here?

Oh God, the fear.

My heart it breaks
It hits my soul.
It ruptures my life,
my dreams, my control.

If hope is a thing that floats,
Where are you?!
How far?!
No fair?!
Why their?!

I have not known this pain before.
I have not the ability to hold it anymore.
I can’t breathe, my mind, it has no refuge.
I can’t see, my ears, I’m left for salvage.

Nothing is healing, it all seems so fresh.
Everything is old, everything is left.
Not so left that the pain is dead.
Not so gone to be out of my head.

And my heart, how it aches
How it burns deep within.
Like a fire, like a torch,
contained by my sin.

How, Lord do I stop it,
How, lord do I flee?
Am I stuck to eternal unhappiness?
PLEASE!!!

Jesus, come down,
be with me now.
Help me make sense of this
chaos…somehow.

I don’t know which way is up,
which ways down.
I don’t know…do I wear a smile,
a frown?

Ouch! that’s enough.
I can’t take anymore.
I can’t stop. I’m afraid.
Could there be more?

How, Lord, did this happen?
What is this for?!
Why, Lord, why do I lay on this floor!?

I have no where to go
Except into your arms.
I have no where to turn, but to you
with my lies.

My exposure to you is ugly yet true.
I don’t know, I can’t know
what else I should do.

How do you ask for a pardon on sin,
when you know you will do it again and again?
How do you know when the pain is through?

I love him so deeply.
I love him so true.
Why did this happen?
I hear you, “It’s you”.

Oh how that hurts, and I desire to heal.
Will you, God, Will you?
Tell me truly how you feel.

I’m frightened no matter where
I go here and there.
All seems so fragile,
thin as thin air.

I sink deep into it,
I try to hide there.
I know better, but I do find some comfort there.

To feel something hopeful…
Even if it’s false.
The temptation is lingering, but
I see also the loss.

He is my Shepherd
He is where I land.
Come hell or high water,
I stay in His hands.